Harry

A physics student, a math student and a Medical students are given a telephone book. What are they doing with it? The physics student says: "These series of measurements are completely unconnected." The math student says: "Since there is no connection, they are definitions. Definitions without a description of what it is are worthless." The medical student smiles tiredly and asks: “Until when?”

Fritzchen goes to his mother and asks: "Can I go to the swimming pool today? The first one will be finished today." The mother replied: “Yes, of course.” If Fritzchen goes into the swimming pool, he comes back with his left arm broken. The next day he asks his mother: "Can I go to the swimming pool again today? The 3 Series will be finished today." Then the mother: “Yes, of course, my darling.” Fritzchen comes back with his right broken arm The next day he asked again: "Can I go to the swimming pool? The 5 Series will be finished today." The mother replied: "Yes, of course, my darling." He comes back with two broken legs. The next day he asked his mother: "Can I go to the swimming pool today? The water will be let in today."

The young woman expecting a baby asks the doctor: "Doctor, what position do I have to assume when I give birth to the child?" Says the doctor: "The same one you were in when you conceived the child!" - “Whaaat?” screams the pregnant woman and wrings her hands. “The legs out of the sunroof?”

Doctor: “Now finally switch gears "Turn off the Walkman and take off the headphones!" Blonde: "It's not possible, they're vital!" The doctor gets fed up and takes the blonde's headphones off. The blonde starts gasping like a fish and turning blue. The doctor becomes uneasy. He puts on the headphones and hears: "Breathe in - breathe out - breathe in - breathe out ..."

A man secretly wants his wife's cat get rid of it and decides to expose it. He takes her in the car, drives 20 houses, abandons the cat and drives home. Ten minutes later the cat is back. “Well,” the man thinks, “maybe the route was a little too short.” Gets back in the car with the cat, drives 5 kilometers and puts it out. Twenty minutes later the cat is back home. "That's enough!" The man thinks to himself, takes the cat in the car and drives 20 kilometers, then through the forest, over a bridge, right, left and then finally abandons the cat in a clearing in the middle of the forest. Half an hour later the man calls home. "Is the cat there?" he asks his wife. "Yes why?" "Get her on the phone, I'm lost."

A woman has an affair while her husband is at work. While she is in bed with her lover, her 13-year-old son comes in, sees them and hides in the closet to watch. Then the man comes home and the woman puts her lover in the closet without noticing that her son is already in there. Son: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes." Son: "I have a baseball." Man: "Nice." Son: “Do you want to buy it?” Man: "No, thank you." Son: "My father is standing out there..." Man: "Okay, all right, how much?" Son: “250 euros” Man: "Okay." After three weeks the same thing happens again, again the son and the lover are in the closet together. Son: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes." Son: "I have a baseball glove." The man remembers the game from last time and asks annoyed: "How much this time?" Son: “750 euros” Man: "All right." A few days later the father says to the son: "Come on, let's play baseball, get your ball and your glove." Boy: "I can't, I sold the stuff." Father: "For how much?" Boy: "1000 euros." Father: "It's outrageous to rip off your friends like that, it's much more than the things are worth. Now you come to church and confess your sins." They both go to church and the father puts the boy in the confessional. Boy: "Dark in here." Pastor: “Don’t start that shit again.”

Crazy laws in the USA - cyclists In Connecticut you can be stopped by the police if you are traveling faster than 100 km/h (!) on your bike. In Alaska, it is illegal to push moose out of a plane or get them drunk. Tourists should also know that it is illegal to look down on a moose from an airplane. In North Carolina, only those who understand something should sing in public. If the singing brother doesn't hit the right note, he has to pay a fine. In Florida, children are not allowed to read Harry Potter without their parents' written (!) consent because it allegedly describes un-Christian rituals. It is advisable to carry at least a dollar in cash with you in Illinois. Otherwise, you can easily be arrested for vagrancy. Are you planning on tying an elephant to a parking meter in Florida? Then you also have to pay the normal parking fee for it! You can't lasso fish in Tennessee. Danger! On Utah highways, all birds have the “right of way.” If you want to attend a church service in Georgia, you must bring a loaded rifle. Otherwise you will be liable to prosecution!

An East Frisian couple wants silver Celebrate a wedding. The husband has plans. "You know, Monika, we want to do everything exactly like it was on our wedding day. We'll go to the woods early!" - “And then?” the woman asks curiously. "Then let's go to our regular restaurant!" - "And then?" - "Then let's climb the mountain and admire the panorama!" - "And then?" - "Then let's go to a cafe!" - "And then?" - "Then let's go home!" - "And then?" - "Then we will bathe our feet, because they will definitely hurt us."

A man wants to dress up as Adam at carnival dress up. So he asks for a fig leaf in a shop. The saleswoman gives him a fig leaf and the man retreats to the changing room with it. After a short while he calls: "Unfortunately the sheet is too small, don't you have a larger one?" The saleswoman hands him a large beet leaf into the booth, but shortly afterwards he hears from the booth: "Still too small." The saleswoman searches for a long time and finally finds a huge rhubarb leaf, which she hands into the booth. Half a minute later the complaint comes again: "Too small too! What should I do now?" “I have to see that for myself,” says the saleswoman and enters the booth. She looks, swallows, is amazed and then says: "Forget Adam - just hang your thing over your right ear and go as a gas pump!"

Two people at a job interview the police. The first one goes in. The boss says: “So, say the alphabet.” He does it, it works wonderfully and the boss asks: “Do you notice anything about me?” - "Yes. They have no ears!" The cop roars: "That can't be true, you cheeky man! This is a war injury! Get out!" The guy goes out and says to the other guy: "He'll ask you later if you notice anything about him. Don't under any circumstances say that he doesn't have ears!" The other person remembers it and goes in. The boss asks again about the alphabet, he can recite it excellently, and the boss asks again if he notices anything about him. Says the newcomer: "You're wearing contact lenses." - "How did you notice that?" - "Well, if you had ears, you would wear glasses."

In the Lenin year the directors of the three Moscow watch factories ordered to the Kremlin. The first reports: "We are now building a cuckoo clock, every hour the cuckoo comes out and shouts: 'Lenin, Lenin, Lenin'." Says the second: "That's nothing at all. The cuckoo comes out of our clock and shouts: 'Long live Lenin! Long live Lenin'!" "Well," says the third, "we took a slightly different approach. Lenin comes out here and shouts: 'Cuckoo, cuckoo'!"

How to Kill an Eel - The 12 Year Old Tommy was very curious for his age. He once heard from a schoolmate that he was courting a girl. Now, of course, he asked himself how to start something like that. So he asked his mother. But instead of explaining it to him properly, she suggested that he hide behind the curtain and watch as his sister Nancy and her boyfriend Mike, who was visiting that day, did it. The next morning his mother asked him if he had learned anything. This is what she got in response: "Nancy and Mike sat and chatted for a while. But then Mike turned off the light and the two started hugging and kissing. Nancy must have felt sick because Mike put his hand under her sweater to feel for her heart, just like Uncle Doctor always does, but Mike couldn't do it as well as the Doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding the heart, so he fumbled around for quite a while. Then he got sick too, because they both started moaning and sighing. Since they couldn't sit anymore, they lay down on the sofa. Then Nancy got a fever, I know that for sure because she said she was incredibly hot. And then I finally realized why they were both feeling so bad. A large eel must have crawled into Mike's pants. He jumped out and stood almost vertically. It was at least 20cm long. Honest! Anyway, Mike grabbed him so he couldn't leave. When Nancy saw the eel, she became afraid because her eyes became very big. Her mouth was wide open and she called out to the good Lord. She said it was the biggest she had ever seen. If only she knew that there are much bigger ones down in the lake! Then Nancy gained courage again. She tried to kill the eel by biting its neck. This lasted for a while and suddenly Nancy made a strange noise and let go of him again. I think the eel bit back. Then Nancy grabbed him and held him tightly while Mike pulled something like a seashell out of his pocket. He put this over the eel's head so that it could no longer bite. Nancy lay on her back and spread her legs and Mike lay on top of her. Apparently the two wanted to crush the eel between them. But the eel fought like a madman, and Mike and Nancy moaned and groaned. They fought so hard with the eel that the sofa almost fell over. After a long time, both of them suddenly lay still. Then Mike stood up and lo and behold, the eel was dead! I know this for sure because he was hanging there completely limp with his intestines hanging out. Nancy and Mike were pretty exhausted from the fight, but they still hugged and kissed each other with joy. But then came the big shock. The eel wasn't dead after all! He stood up again and the fight started again. He must have bitten Mike this time because he was suddenly lying on his back on the floor. Then Nancy jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After 40 minutes of fighting, he was finally dead. For real this time, because Mike pulled the fur over his ears and flushed it down the toilet."

The young couple has chosen themselves as the destination of their vacation trip the Königssee in Upper Bavaria was chosen. They really like it and the husband snaps whatever he can find. In the familiar painter's corner they meet an artist in front of his easel. They both stop and watch him for a while. Finally the man pats his young wife on the shoulder and points to his camera. "You see, that's what someone has to worry about if they left their camera at home!"

A man sits in the sauna. At his best Piece is tattooed with a "W" and a "Y". Another man comes up and asks what that means. He replies: "When it's hard it says my girlfriend's name. Wendy!" A few days later, the tattooed man is on vacation at the nudist beach in Jamaica. There he sees a local who also has a "W" and a "Y" tattooed on his best piece. He walks up to him and says, "Let me guess: your girlfriend's name is Wendy too!" The local: "No, when he's tough it says: Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice holiday!"

The devil appears to a lawyer and proposes the following deal to him: "I will make you the most successful lawyer in the city. You will have four months of vacation a year. All colleagues will envy you, the clients and judges will respect you. You will be president of your golf club and an honorary doctor of the university. In return, the souls of your parents, your wife and your children will burn in hell forever." The lawyer thinks for a moment and then asks: "And what's the catch?"